I have been married for 12 years, we lived together before that for 8 years. For a few years now I have not been happy with the marriage, always thinking there is something more to life. I believe I must have been happy at some point, but afraid I just married him to escape my emotionally abusive mother.

To make up for the guilt, I did everything I could to make him happy, he would criticize me sometimes, but all-in-all, he is a good person. He always said it was us against the world, we didn't have any friends we went out with or anything, it was just us. I have been uncontrollably angry for couple years now, his solution for everything was always sex, and that made me extremely angry.

I have extreme trust issues, but I trusted him, he never cheated on me, he is not an alcoholic, he doesn't do drugs, we were a very clean cut couple. No children. We lived very simply, but I found us growing apart regardless. When I told him my feelings, he ignored me, nothing changed, when I suggested a marriage counselor, he laughed and said I was the one that needed counseling.

About 6 months ago, I left him, and in about a week the divorce goes to court. I left him EVERYTHING, asked for nothing. I have a good job, so financially I do not need him. Now I cannot stop crying, I feel so guilty about it all. I was raised Catholic and believed once married you don't divorce. Now I have lost my faith and my hope. I have always had low self-esteem, but now I am really beating myself up. I don't know how to make it stop. I am so lonely, but I don't FEEL anything for ex, I am just lonely.

What do I do?? I have no friends or family to help. I recently started going to a counselor, reading books and forums online, but still can't control the emotions. I am afraid I will lose my job soon if I don't get back under control soon. Please help me help myself.