so i'm in a pickle and am looking for some new words to clear my head.i hope some experienced people can lend some advice. heres the story:
relationship of 4 years. met when i was 16, he was 19 (yes young...) my first serious bf, he dated a bit, had his heart broken by his last gf who cheated on him. we spent nearly every day together at first, fell deeply in love and discovered everything together - spirituality, the deep side of life, everything... had sex after 6 months and had a great sex life for 2-3 years. i moved to a different city for college, he followed - didn't have much of a job and wanted a change of scenery. we moved in together after 3 years, got a dog. we've talked of marriage for the last few years. so, i started having serious doubts about a year ago, shortly after we moved in together. there was another guy who i've always had feelings for, not a previous bf though, just a prospect if you will... this guy lived far away and hadn't seen him since my relationship began. he came to visit and then i really had some doubts about my relationship. nothing happened when the other guy visited, but it raised the level of doubt for me. this other guy may just be symbolic - who knows.
so now, i've decided that we should move out, take our time and see what happens. i need to clear my head without living with him. we're about to separate soon. i know he's feeling terrible, he's spent 4 years with me and is completely devoted - he's stood by the whole time and been pretty patient while i figure this out. i should mention that he is really a lovely person, but i have doubts about his financial responsibility, motivation, emotional dependency... i feel awful, like i'm wasting his time. i feel confused and i think i'm tending to be rude to him and blameful when its probably my issue.
i know this is really long, but its a long story. i think talking to people gives me some fresh words. i fret about this all day and im worrying myself so much i've gotten kind of paralyzed about the decision. thank you !!