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10-22-2006, 02:38 AM
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My husband and I are seperated and getting ready for divorce. The kids (4 & 6) and me moved out 4 weeks ago. He cheated on me with MY friend for 2 years and my children know her well. He has been living with her since a while and we have a every other weekend arrangement. Now he says he can't take the kids through the night on his weekend because he has no place to take them and it is all my fault because I don't allow him to take them to his (her) house. He is ready to take them to her house I think it is way to early and could be dramatizing on them (since they are aware who she is and they heard her anme coming up in arguments)...any advice??????
Am I wrong to not let them go over there???
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The heart has reasons that reason does not understand. 
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10-22-2006, 07:46 AM
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Hello hopegal
What do they think about her? What did you say to them about her? When do you think that they will be ready to see her?
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If you want something said, ask a man...if you want something done, ask a woman - Margaret Thatcher 
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10-23-2006, 01:01 AM
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I never said anything at all about her. But she used to be around at least 2-3 days a week (at our home) and they know her since 3 years as Mrs. ....
So I wonder since they have heard us fighting and her name came up if it isn't to early. They also never ever ask for her or asked anything about her anymore...We are only moved out 4 weeks and we have to get used to our new life...I think it takes a while to settle in and not having their dad anymore...how long? I don't know?
__________________
The heart has reasons that reason does not understand.
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10-23-2006, 05:07 AM
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Well as you stated yourself, they will miss their dad a lot for sure. The longer they have to wait, the longer they will be hurt. Even if your angry, sad (whatever), you won't be able to hide something like that to your children for long. You must be honest with them even if they are still small because they understand. Are you trying to protect them from something?
__________________
If you want something said, ask a man...if you want something done, ask a woman - Margaret Thatcher
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10-24-2006, 09:17 AM
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I think maybe you are right, 4 weeks does seem a little early to spend the night at her place. Maybe you could ask your kids when they would feel comfortable doing that. At the moment you are going through alot of hurt and its a big adjustment for everybody involved. Just remember time heals all pain......
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Just remember that life ain't easy! 
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10-25-2006, 05:47 AM
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Since they know who she is, ask them, they are the only ones to know if they have a good feeling or not about her, and if ever they want to stay with her sometimes... I think, in this particular situation, sometimes the child's the best one to know what's good for himself...
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10-26-2006, 12:54 PM
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Yes, hopegal for your children to be happy, you should let them decide by themselves if they want to see their father and his girl friend. They surely love their father and will be very sad to stay away from him very long.
__________________
If you want something said, ask a man...if you want something done, ask a woman - Margaret Thatcher
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10-27-2006, 05:16 AM
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Quote:
How did it go since then hopegal? Quote:
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10-30-2006, 01:23 AM
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OK...I decided to let the kids go
OK...I decided to let the kids go...I had a talk with them (as much a talk you can have with a 4 and 6 year old) and they just thought it would be fun :)
He made plans so that the kids know what they will expect and can get excited and he promised to just have a friendship relationship with her while the kids are around. I actually feel pretty good about it... Thank you for all the advice :)
__________________
The heart has reasons that reason does not understand.
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