Divorce - just need to confide...and need advice too

#1 (permalink)

10-05-2006, 10:26 AM

Fun Da Mental Fun Da Mental is offline

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if i could get some advice, or just a friendly ear, i would be most grateful. i don't want you people to go out of your way to help me, i don't know if that's what i need. i think what i need is support because there's nothing that can change my situation. i think i have to live with it?
maybe i should start by telling you what my problem is and why i am here. i don't really know where i should start. maybe i'll be honest and admit it that my parents are having a rough time dealing with each other and i'm having a rough time dealing with them, specially my mother.
she's manic depressive. that's what everyone has repeated to me since i'm a kid.
i've gone through hard times trying to deal with her, but she is my mom after all and wouldn't give up on her for anything in this world, even if she has hurt me more than i can explain. but it isn't her fault is it?
what i need is some information. not so that i can get a quick fix or whatever but rather, i want information that can help me to overcome my state of confusion when she acts differently and unlike other mothers. i want to know what it's all about so that i can face her and maybe even help her, because it must be hard for her too. she's the one going through all the hell.
there are so many things i wish to ask, so many apprehensions that fill my mind, so many fears that suffocate me.
i need a place where i can ask my questions without being stared at like i'm some kind of leper. a place where i can give free reign to my fears.
finally, i think what i need is help to deal with my situation.
i hardly have friends. no, well, i have many friends. but at the end of the day, when i am need and need to turn to someone, when i turn to those friends, i only fall hard on my knees. then i realise that i cannot depend on them, even if they tell me i can. so there's no one i can turn to, it's just me and my misery. and now i am here. i had nowhere else to go. i needed a place to go. i registered a few days back but apprehended the reactions i would get so i stalled and didn't post anything. but the questions cramp my mind, it gives me headaches. i can't think, can't eat, can't do anything. sometimes there's just a heavy emptiness.
i've been acting strangely lately, doing things that i have never done before, acting in ways that i never imagined i would behave. having feelings so hard to cope with, that i am starting to feel scared, scared of my own self.
i'm scared i might do things and regret them later. but how to stop myself when sometimes i am not even aware of what i am doing? it is only afterwards that i realise.

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Last edited by Fun Da Mental : 10-05-2006 at 10:31 AM.

#6 (permalink)

10-05-2006, 12:02 PM

Fun Da Mental Fun Da Mental is offline

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hi Splash...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Splash

Hello Fun Da Mental

Well, thank you for sharing your story with us. This is the best place for you to express your deepest feelings according to me. Hope you will have the support and information you need. How old is your mum and how long has she been suffering from manic depression?

thanks...you are nice. it's good to know that i've a place where i can be heard. ok, i'll try my best to be accurate but i'm not sure that i'll get all the facts right.
to start with, mom was about 18 when she fell "ill", i'm sorry, i don't know how to refer to the manic depression. today she's 54. from what i have gathered from my father and grandmother's stories, mom has been ill since then on and off, but there have been periods when she was so ill that she had to be put in hospital

Quote:

Originally Posted by Splash

What are the symptoms that she has? Each person have slight differences in their behaviour even if the mental illness name is the same. Can you give more info about that?

i'll try. you see, mostly there are periods when she starts refusing to take her medication. this situation arises due to certain stressful circumstances (at least that's what i have observed over the years). she pretends to take the drugs but she actually doesn't and then after some time, she downright stops taking them. then she gets angry, there are the mood swings, the anger tantrums, she "rebels" against everyone.
but the worse period is when she just leaves home

Quote:

Originally Posted by Splash

What are the things you did that make you say that you are acting weird?

i've been having fits of anger. i'm going through stressful moments and have been going into tantrums. the persons who were with me at those times "accused" me (i think that they thought they were helping me) of being manic depressive, just like my mother.
i told them to take a hike but inside...it scared me. i felt that what they were saying might be true? even my brother has shown a side which even my mom's doctor has said might be a tendency for manic depression...
Splash...is manic depression hereditary? i'm sorry if this sounds stupid, but it scares me. badly.

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#8 (permalink)

10-05-2006, 12:49 PM

Splash

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Fun Da Mental

from what i have gathered from my father and grandmother's stories, mom has been ill since then on and off, but there have been periods when she was so ill that she had to be put in hospital

Do you know what therapy she went through in hospital?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fun Da Mental

there are periods when she starts refusing to take her medication. this situation arises due to certain stressful circumstances (at least that's what i have observed over the years). she pretends to take the drugs but she actually doesn't and then after some time, she downright stops taking them. then she gets angry, there are the mood swings, the anger tantrums, she "rebels" against everyone.
but the worse period is when she just leaves home

Psychotic mania ... Is she delusive sometimes? Does she become violent and destroy everything around her? Problem with thinking? How does she talk?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fun Da Mental

i've been having fits of anger. i'm going through stressful moments and have been going into tantrums.

Your mother's state affected you a lot. When exactly do these happen? When did it start?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fun Da Mental

the persons who were with me at those times "accused" me (i think that they thought they were helping me) of being manic depressive, just like my mother.

Forget about them, are they close to you?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fun Da Mental

is manic depression hereditary? i'm sorry if this sounds stupid, but it scares me. badly.

Yes, it is hereditary for some persons. It is said to be genetic, it tends to concentrate in some families ...

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#9 (permalink)

10-09-2006, 05:08 AM

Fun Da Mental Fun Da Mental is offline

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Splash

Do you know what therapy she went through in hospital?

no, i don't really know

but mostly high doses of medication and i think a few sessions with the hospital's psychiatrist. but i know that once they gave her electric shock

i was still quite young at that time, didn't really know the seriousness of this

Quote:

Originally Posted by Splash

Psychotic mania ... Is she delusive sometimes? Does she become violent and destroy everything around her? Problem with thinking? How does she talk?

yes she becomes violent, very violent even. problem with thinking? you mean as in she doesn't think straight? well yes, she starts having all sorts of thoughts and i've also sense feelings of paranoia in her? she starts doubting everyone and has the worse sorts of suspicions.
well she talks in a rather violent manner, speaking out all her suspicions, accusing everyone. oh and there's something else i noticed, she tends to get a bit fatalistic in her approach?
sometimes it's almost like she goes into a "second state", like she's no more herself. sometimes that's what she says to me in our quiet moments together, that she is no more aware of herself in those moments.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Splash

Your mother's state affected you a lot. When exactly do these happen? When did it start?

it's started happening a few months back. i wasn't like this at all before. well...that's not really true. before, when i would get mad or overly stressed, i never let it show. i swallowed everything up and bottled all the anger, stress and negativity within me. but lately, i have been pushed to the limits of exhaustion, emotionally and mentally, that i have been unable to control myself. so when the anger comes, i let it surface. then it's a bit like a bomb.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Splash

Forget about them, are they close to you?

yes they are

Quote:

Originally Posted by Splash

Yes, it is hereditary for some persons. It is said to be genetic, it tends to concentrate in some families ...

there are a quite a few members of my mother's family who suffer from manic depression. some full-fledged and others to a lesser extent, but it's there.
my brother started showing signs in his adolescence. almost the same age as my mother was when she fell ill.
but from what i've noticed, he lives in denial. he's built a little world for himself where he has included only certain people (some kind of exclusive club) and when some people try to get into his world, he gets all aggressive and violent. i don't want to become like him.

i am not at all reassured by this, though it's nice to have you to talk to.
i'm feeling very scared. is there anything i can do to stop myself from following their footsteps?

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#10 (permalink)

10-09-2006, 09:24 AM

Splash

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Hi fun da mental, i'm so glad to see you here again

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fun Da Mental

no, i don't really know

but mostly high doses of medication and i think a few sessions with the hospital's psychiatrist. but i know that once they gave her electric shock

i was still quite young at that time, didn't really know the seriousness of this

So she had reached the level of needing electroconvulsive therapy when you were still young. Do you know if her mental state stabilized just after the treatment at the hospital? One thing you can do is getting in touch with the psychiatrist who was treating her (if you are not doing so already), he may give you more about her past mental health. Is she seeing a psy?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fun Da Mental

Your mum needs to be treated, her mental balance is getting worse day by day according to what you wrote. Does she trust you even if she is destabilized? There should be someone whom she can trust above all, even if she is very affected psychologically, she can feel love and knows who are the one who are sincere towards her. Trust can greatly help someone not matter what is the nature of his problem. You must not be afraid, try to help her the most you can. Actually, you are stronger than her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fun Da Mental

sometimes it's almost like she goes into a "second state", like she's no more herself. sometimes that's what she says to me in our quiet moments together, that she is no more aware of herself in those moments.

You must surely know that manic dep is also called 'bipolar disorder' name which already tells you that the person suffering from manic dep has extreme mood swings which results into different ways of thinking, incoherent actions, sadness etc ... She doesn't feel at ease living with the 'normal people'. She is frustrated, feels like being blocked. She thinks she is the one normal when she's drawn in the bipolar disorder world.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fun Da Mental

yes they are

Well, that will be a little more difficult for you then, but you can't keep on being destabilized by them. Even if you love some people sometimes, you should make a choice sometimes, especially when both your mental state and your mum's one are concerned.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fun Da Mental

there are a quite a few members of my mother's family who suffer from manic depression. some full-fledged and others to a lesser extent, but it's there.

Well, actually, you are not affected that much. You may have another disorder. You may simply be very depressive. According to some research works i have done these 4 to 5 years, manic depression can generate other types of mental illnesses in very close family members. Personally, i don't consider it as being genetic for 'everyone'. The atmosphere in which a person grows up can have a great impact on his mental health. Seeing 'crazy' people can drive you 'crazy', you get what i mean?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fun Da Mental

my brother started showing signs in his adolescence. almost the same age as my mother was when she fell ill.
but from what i've noticed, he lives in denial. he's built a little world for himself where he has included only certain people (some kind of exclusive club) and when some people try to get into his world, he gets all aggressive and violent. i don't want to become like him.

Is your brother being treated? Is he seeing a specialist?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fun Da Mental

i am not at all reassured by this, though it's nice to have you to talk to.
i'm feeling very scared. is there anything i can do to stop myself from following their footsteps?

You should talk about everything that is happening to you. You should get a complete diagnosis about your mental health. Feel free to ask anything

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If you want something said, ask a man...if you want something done, ask a woman - Margaret Thatcher

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