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08-07-2005, 06:59 AM
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I had a glance at your website and that is when I thought of writing my personal dilemma with you. Well, since, it has been a hell of a bad time that I have gone through for the past few months. I have been married to this wonderful woman for more than 20 years now. Recently she had undergone a surgery that is giving her some problems. The other night, she went to bed with me and told me that she does not love me as a husband but as a best friend . that really put me off and hurt me.
Although, I am doing everything I can to help her out to get out of her problem, but she keeps on saying that’s it is not due to me , its just that she is not happy . one day she even left me and our 2 adult kids ,i didnt know as a male member of the family what should be done, as i was taken unawares of this . but she then cam back to me saying that she could not live without me or the kids. Since, I love her dearly , I took her back, but both our kids are upset with me as I have made life too easy and smooth for her without confronting her . Although , I know that we have gone through a lot in the past year, a move, new home, our youngest child who graduated from high school. Though, I have suggested her to go in for counseling which might be of some help, because she seems to be very confused at times as whatever she talks doesn’t make sense to me at times. Like,yesterday, she told me that she didnt think she would stay in this marriage and would probably leave us again and go away. Now what has happened is that I am at the point, I don’t know what is right and what is wrong for me. But I don’t want to fall prey to her everyday tantrums, but unfortunately, I love her so much to do that. In course of time, I have lost a lot of weight, I cant seem to be getting any sleep and all this is leading me in depression. Now I am not even sure as to how to take care of myself thus, I have started going in for counselling . The fear has gone in my head that this might go on for several years and we might still end up with divorce. All keep saying that I am being too nice to her, some advise me to give her space. I don’t know what to do , I don’t even know whether I am right or wrong, hope I get some help from your website!!!  Last edited by rogers : 08-07-2005 at 08:56 AM. Reason: editing the answer 
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08-09-2005, 06:51 AM
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Cheer up !
Hey Rogers you have been married to her for 20 years. Man 20 yeras is a long time. You get used to each others oddities during this time. You are just thinking about the bad things which are not even permanent. think about all the good things that she has done for you. remember she is also a human. Sit with her and have a heart 2 heart talk. I am sure it will help. Cheer up it happens to all long marriages. :)
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10-15-2005, 07:05 PM
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Every nmarraige has its own ups and downs ...and i'm sure that in 20 years you have seen quite a few ups and downs..Please do not loase hope. You can only make your marraige work out by trying hard. You will have to work on it and believe me it will pay off well.....
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10-20-2005, 06:10 AM
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Shud i let go of my woman or let her be as she is????
well, 20 years is really a long time. i am sure your wife needs some pampering, and a bit of attention. she is maybe feeling a bit lost. why dont you talk it out with her as to what is wrong? Maybe she has an answer to that.......
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10-27-2005, 06:47 PM
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Hi Rogers,
Read your problem. Any way, you are facing it hence you know best. I won’t try to simplify or give suggestion how to solve but may be just give piece of thought. This mental status of your wife. After operation she had recently, she got some nervousness in mind. it is like fear in mind that she is alone in world. All her thoughts and actions of her you explains a sure sign of weak person who is afraid of any thing happens. Man, she is sick, in body fragile and sick in mind. she needs care and understanding Tell why you got married- to remain together for best and worst. she is in worse position can you leave or even think of divorce. Purpose will be lost. Even if you divorce, where will you go and your heart will be with her. All she needs is your sympathy Ok, she is sick, but why you are getting sick and loosing weight and appetite. No way sir, you have to take care of her and give her strength. If she wants to e your friend, be her friend , she wants to go tell her you can not manage without her. I am sure she needs you alone can give .God will give strength and bless you to help sick. Make her proud of you.
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02-13-2006, 04:51 PM
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If almost seems to me that she needs attention adn maybe sit down with her and go into therapy. who knows Im sorry to say but it almost seems as if someone else is in the picture??? Maybe or maybe not but ask her maybe she will tell you. Or it can be health problems she may be going thru menopause it makes you irritable and upset at times....seek a doctor either way...good luck and your not being too ncie hun your just being a good loving husband btu I siggest if she leaves again tell her the consequences that mayeb the door may not be opened again. She cant keep running away from her problems she ust learn to face them head on.
__________________
"Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder"
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02-13-2006, 09:51 PM
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Hi Rodgers, hope all goes well for you! I wondered if you guyd were married young i know alot of my friends that were married young end up feeling like just leaving, i think they start feeling like they missed out on the younger years. Where does she leave too?
Anyways give her time and hope fully for you and your kids she will figer out if she is going or staying!! She has to realize to the it is not fair to you or your children just to leave when she feels like it. Sara Lee
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02-21-2006, 06:44 PM
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I am glad you are getting couselling for yourself. That is a good start. I think you were great to suggest that you both do counselling and work together as 20 years is a very long time. Tramatic experiences, such as surgery, can be very emotionally and physically trying on a person and perhaps she is just struggling with that right now. I cant tell you the right thing to do, only you know what is best for yourself and your family, but you sound like you are doing the right things and you really love your wife. She is very lucky and she will realize that in time.
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02-21-2006, 06:54 PM
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That is a tough decision. Can you see yourself continuing to live the way you are living. If she is not willing to go to counselling and she is constantly threatening to leave, maybe it is not the best situation for you to remain in.
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