this is long and sad but please dont let that put you off reading

I've been with my girlfriend for about 5 - 6 months, (but known her for 9) she told me she loved me after about the first month, i couldnt tell her the same untill about a month ago. but she always said it didnt matter and she'd give me as much time as i needed. she seemed so happy with me, and would always want to see me every day no matter what, sometimes i just had to make excuses so that i didnt see too much of her. But almost every day I'd see her.

Anyway, when I said I loved her she seemed so happy and i felt i'd completed her and i was so happy with everything. About a week later she went to a festival she'd won tickets to with her friend. She was dying to see me when she got back. We had another 4 days together before she went off to another music festival. Again she seemed to miss me loads and we had another 4 days when she got back before I had to go away with my family for 4 days. The day before I got back she'd stopped texting but I assumed it was soemthing to do with our phones not working. When I got back I called her and asked if she was coming round. She said no, she was going out with friends, but she'd see me tomorrow. I was angry with her. And text her saying she'd really hurt me cause I'd never known her to not want to see me before especially after id been away.

She didnt reply but the next day told me my text made her so angry. And she told me as much as she loved me she'd found someone else she liked and been fighting feelings for the past week or so, and was really confused. I gave her 2 days and then called her. I broke down into tears when I was on the phone. She talked to me for a bit and then she suddenly had to go and barely even let me say goodbye. I got paranoid this new guy was round at her house, and she was sending me odd texts, and not really responding to things i was asking. So I text her saying I was getting a taxi to hers wether she replied to me or not. So she instantly called me up crying. I went round to hers. It was midnight.

We spoke in the road for hours and she said she just didnt understand her thoughts and wouldnt answer me anything. she said there was nothing wrong with me but then eventually she had me apologising for every little thing i could ever think of where ive gone wrong. Like not taking her our enough. She went with it and made me feel bad over everything. I promised I'd change and blahblah, she agreed to stay with me, and not go with this guy. I spent the night with her, the next day she was supposed to be meeting me, and not going out as planned.

Anyway the next day she'd changed her mind and I cried lots in front of her. I wanted her to stay with me or id make sure i never saw her again. but she ignored this and went out,leaving me in an awful state. I waited outside her house for 6 hours for her to get back, she was angry with me yet seemed to feel sorry for me. I was in a manic state. But calmed down when she came home. She told me she'd kissed this guy, drunkenly a few hours ago. She agreed to meet me the next day, so we did, we talked and made everything ok again and then i took her to the beach and it was perfect, probably the best moment we'd ever had, and she said she'd really try not to have doubts about us anymore and she loved me so much etc..

After two days of the best sex weve ever had and me buying her gifts, she started making excuses not to see me. And I read flirty messages she'd been sending this guy on the internet. So, paranoid, i turned up at her door again. She didnt seem happy to see me. And was cold with me. And later said I was smothering her. And giving her no space. Then I just told her I just want to see her so I could end things. She was shocked and started crying ALOT, and I said unless she could tell me she wanted to be with me and not this guy, I wasnt going to stay with her any longer. I kept trying to go and she kept forcefully stopping me. She eventually said she'd choose me then. But I said I wasnt convinced this time. I wanted her to call him in front of me. She wouldnt, and then I had to go. So I said it wasnt over yet and we'd talk again tomorrow.

The next day she was happy to see me and we kissed and stuff, but then we got talking and she wouldnt tell me what I wanted to hear. She asked if she could have a week to decide, without seeing either of us, but I said no. I also said if she left me i'd never want to speak to her again for what she'd done. I tried to run off to my car to go, but she ran after me and clung on to me crying and she convinced me to just spend this one last night with her. Foolishly I accepted.

In the morning she was weeping a bit and told me she loved me so much. I was angry and cold with her. And then I text her when i got home telling her not to expect me to take her back when she regretted her stupid decision.. And that her new guy deserved her and she deserved him. She sent me a message a day later saying i love you so much. I ignored it.

I miss her so much and all I want is for it to work. Even though she's done this to me I love her more than anythin and feel like I could never love anyone else the same, and noone could make me feel as special as she did. I'm also very angry with her, and dont know if I should just let it go and be thankful it's only been 5 months and not 3 years. I dont know how she can say she loves me so much if she can let me go for someone else who she doesnt love. She says I am perfect and even the best looking thing she has ever laid eyes on, i make her laugh a lot, and the sex couldnt be better. She said she'l love me forever, but she doesnt know why she wants to be with this guy.. "he's just different".

Please help me, I dont know what to do. What is she thinking? Is there more to it than shes telling me? Will she come running back to me if I continue to not speak to her? I feel like I've already done everything wrong. This past week I told her I loved her about 100 times. Before this week I'd only said it about 3 times! Sorry this is so long but I dont want to miss out any detail, I want anyone replying to know the whole story. I look forward to any advice. Thankyou