Hello Shonuff

That has surely been very hard for you due to the education you had and your moral values coz you never thought something like that could happen to your family. Do you mind me asking how old you are to start with? Let's talk about yourself first. What is the thing that hurts you the most in everything that happened to your parents?

For the time being, don't let yourself go down coz your father needs you. You are one of the best person that can help him. Show him that you're there even if you can't say much. Maybe he won't open himself right now, did he?

You need much courage and i know you can be strong for him

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If you want something said, ask a man...if you want something done, ask a woman - Margaret Thatcher

Thanks for the response. My age is 30 years old. I think im hurt the most in a few ways. One thing that hurts is that I wanted to always be able to come home and thats now been destroyed. I was born and raised there. Now due to the situation, neither can afford to keep it and nor can I. Another is to know that this can happen anyone and it makes me second guess everything. He has opened up to me and it crushes me when I hear him crying and begging for an answer to how this is possible when he kept his house in order and his church. He built the church from the ground up. My fathers side of the family is very religious group and now he knows he has to face them. Im feeling so much pain for him. I now see my mom with disrespect and its a scary thought. Im not a religious person but I go to church with them from time to time and this seems to let me see them from an outside view and see the love everyone gives them. I feel bad for the people who will lose faith because of this. There are just so many things that makes this hard.

Sure something has been destroyed, your parents relationship and that can be harsh for children, i've been there. I was just a little child and that made me stronger.

Tell him that it's not his fault, you are the one that can avoid him breaking down even more. He knows deep within that things like that happen, he just needs time to accept what happened, that is the first step. His moral values must be a great block for him, but if he stands up right now, God will help him. Your parents should talk, there is obviously a problem and you may not be aware of it. This is surely something that they are the only one able to solve. Try to avoid judging your mother even if it is difficult. She surely has reasons for cheating on your father. Talk to her as you must know what happened to her, why he acted this way. She surely needs you right now as well. She may feel really bad too.

What can people say? We are humans after all. Even our models have desires, needs and can be wrong sometimes. Your father won the respect of many people obviously and he should be able to keep it. Tell him to stand up and face the truth. He needs to do that for the followers. They need him. He can use his personal problems to show people who believe in him that we must never let anything destroy our lives.

I have been strong for my mother all through these years and believe me that helped her a lot. Show your dad that you believe in him and how much you love him, that will help both of you. Supporting your father will make him stronger. He's very lucky to have such a strong child like you. He has been there for you all through these years, now he needs help and you are the one who will make him stand up.

Don't lose faith

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If you want something said, ask a man...if you want something done, ask a woman - Margaret Thatcher

Well, the waiting game is still kinda going on. When the whole issue started last week, my dad said they where talking and working on their relationship so I decided to invite them to dinner which was last night (we always go to their house to eat so I had them come up here so it would get them out of the house). The dinner was wonderful and I seen a little glimmer of hope. We didnt mention anything about the marriage and had good conversation. Today was a different story. My father got the cell phone bill and seen the text messages and phone calls that has been made and are still going on with these guys. He also informed me that she has mentioned suicide more then once since she feels like she has nothing to live for. I took your advice and called her and just talked about other things and tried to set plans for the future as if her and my father where still going to be together (family functions). My mom has a way of hiding her feelings and if you met them, you would have no idea that there is any type of issue, no matter how close you are to the situation. I have gotten to the stage now that I wish they would just be able to live apart without any thoughts of suicide or bodily harm. I could deal with that a lot easier then wondering if my dad will give me the call that I dont want to get. Either way, I have last nights memory of the dinner and being a family to fall back on forever and knowing that I did everything I could as a loving son. People dont know what its like to go through this as an adult offspring. And with that, I give the generic advice that we hear all to often. You truly dont know what you have till its gone. I know its not my fault that this happened, I am not a screwup that put pressure on them to make their relationship tough. I am staying stong for my dad and mom and have been neutral through all of this. I havent judged and gave only basic advice. I know in the long run that everything will work out, either good or bad. Just want to start healing and getting on with my life and relationship with my parents, no matter where I have to go to visit them.
Just say a prayer for me and my family. Every little bit helps.

So, your situation is more complex than i thought. Your mother needs to talk to someone. If she thinks about suicide, there is obviously something serious bothering her. Even if she doesn't open herself, is there anyone that can talk to her? Do you think she will reject the idea of meeting a counsellor? You won't feel at ease when you visit them all the time as long as their relationship is tensed like that. Your mother is the one who needs help first. You must know why exactly she wants to commit suicide. Maybe she won't tell the exact reason immediately as she doesn't like to express herself.
I will keep on praying for you and i hope you'll all smile again. Don't lose faith.

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If you want something said, ask a man...if you want something done, ask a woman - Margaret Thatcher

When my brother found out what was going on, he went off on her and said that she is only his mother for a temp amount of time till his father divorces her. He also said she will never see her grandson again. This completely back her in a corner. She has been seeing a counslor. Dont know if its helping or not. There has been no change in the situation as of right now. They are still under the same roof. I think its just a waiting game. My mom really has no one she can talk to due to her family not being in town currently. I tried to get her to talk to my wife to have someone to listen but it was no use. Either way, im still calling her and trying to support her. We will see I guess.

Not seeing a grandson ... this is terrible i think. The little boy will probably be affected too if he is close to his grandma. Adults problem should never spoil a child's life. If your mother still thinks of suicide, well the counsellor has not really spotted her problem. Keep on supporting her, maybe you will be the one, she will talk to. I hope that your brother will change his decision as this will really help your mother.

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If you want something said, ask a man...if you want something done, ask a woman - Margaret Thatcher

I don;t know what to say splash seems to be the ones with all the words.... I just wanted to offer you hugs and tell you that you WILL get through this, no matter what happenes you will survive!

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"Hopes and dreams are just an illusion, all we have is the present."

I hope you sorted out this problme because it must really be painful for you to live in such a mental condition. You must surely be a very strong person and i know things will turn out positive every soon. Keep the faith

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I destroy everything around me
just like a tornado