Generally speaking, it would be a good idea to tell the children very little about what to say, rather urging them to be open and honest. You should never promise them that their talk with the evaluator will be kept confidential, as it is very likely it will not. It is possible that the evaluator may talk with you about the interviews before they occur, and he might also give you direction about how to prepare the child. Most evaluators make a great effort as to not to distress the child and not to place the child in the position of having to state a preference or tell anything about either parent which might be negative.
Also the child will be interviewed about general issues such as school, friends, activities and interests, and about family constellation. During the course of the interview, the issue of the separation will be arising . The child will then tell a great deal about how the separation is affecting him or her, how the situation might be improved,etc , and so forth, in the course of this discussion, and you should always trust that the child will do this best without your help. So , when a child is coached or over-prepared, it is rather obvious that this has occurred and it is not supposed to be considered as a positive action on the part of the parent. You must never instruct the child to say certain things or to not say certain things. Let the child decide what he or she has to say . you should never indicate that the evaluator is your friend, nor that the evaluator might take the child away from you. You must try to remain matter-of-fact, neutral, and brief in what you do say. It is something like, This woman/man is going to help us make the best arrangement for how you will be spending time with both your parents.

I would just let them know that someone will speak with them, and no matter the choice they make there should be no disrespect towards the children. They are going to want to be with the person that has nurtured them growing up and the person that made them feel like they were important.

You have no right to tell them what to do with this person. They have the right to say where they want o go. Just let them decide, they will do what makes them happy!

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Avant

Why would you want to tell them that the evaluator will upset them?? I sit not supposed to be the opposite? Why putting stress on those poor children? On the contrary you must reassure them, and I also think you should let them choose. If you want to tell them something just briefly say what the evaluator might ask them and all, but I think influencing their answer is no good thing.

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